Cedar City Half Marathon

It was a beautiful, what I call, pre Fall day. The air is definitely cooler in the morning, and up Cedar Canyon it was actually cold, but the leaves are not changing yet. I have eyed this race for a couple of years as its close to home, its down a canyon, its in cooler weather, and it did not dissapoint. I have driven up and down Cedar Canyon a hundred times never paying attention to the roads from a runners eye, so as we headed up in the bus I knew right then I was probably not going to be taking to many stairs the few days after this was over. This went on for probably 8 straight miles with maybe only one little incline in the middle to tease you.

I have REALLY wanted to do more than my typical "One" big race a year, I have always wanted to do several Half Marathons close together. Its been a struggle for me to believe I can do this.

I CAN do hard things.

I did alot of the training alone and was prepared to drive up and do this race alone becuase I simply wanted it that bad and I have learned when I make a goal I need to (for me) do everything I can to achieve that goal or I end up upset with myself. Luckily I got a text from a friend that found out I was signed up and invited me to ride up together! YES! It made the experience that much funner.

I would totally recommend this race to anyone.

~ Very organized

~ Cool shirt and medal

~ An easy course to PR on

~ Great volunteers along the entire course

~ Post race fruit and granola bars were nice

So now I ask myself......"Whats Next?"

I did it... Alone!

I seem to have a problem with running buddies, I can’t keep them. They move, they get pregnant they are too fast for me! I find most of the time I am going solo, which is fine, I find it my therapy time my “me” time. But for long Saturday runs I really look forward to different fun runs, not the normal route. I enjoy taking the time to map a route, planning to meet up with people and where we will drop waters etc. The past few Saturdays I have been on my own, I knew I needed to do at least 11 miles and dreaded the “neighborhood run” feeling like I needed to get out and go somewhere. It’s Friday night and I am still hoping the only few Saturday running buddies I do have would call me, but nothing. I knew what this meant so I got all my gear ready and set my alarm for 4:30 am.

I am a cautious person, I would never venture on a running trail or up in the mountains alone. I stick to what is familiar so as I was driving my car up to Zion’s Park in the dark, alone, I thought I had lost my mind. I caught the 5:40 shuttle at Majestic View Lodge which took me to the visitors center where I walked (again alone and pitch black) to the connecting shuttle. I sat and waited as many other people started to come out of the dark windy trails and wait, all of them were getting an early start on many of the longer hikes in the canyon. It took 30 minutes to ride the shuttle to the top of the Canyon to the Temple of Sinawava trail head, my plan was to run on the park road back out which I have done several times (with others) there are shuttles that start to run so you’re not completely alone and in just about 4 short miles you reach the lodge with water and bathrooms, and people. It had always been light by the time we started, not this time. I got off the shuttle and all the people with me scattered off to the Narrows trail head and were gone, I found myself sitting at the shuttle stop ALONE. It was still pitch black. Did I mention I am a cautious person? This was good for me I decided to wait about 15 minutes for a few reasons, I knew the sun would be coming up, I knew the next shuttle would be going in about 30 minutes, I was enjoying the shear silence, and the main reason of my uncomfortable’ness was ANIMALS!

I have only ever seen deer, wild turkeys, and a fox on my runs in there but again I was with someone, and the second reason, on the ride up the guide was talking about what animals inhabited the park and I do believe he used the word MOUNTAIN LION. I again question why in the world I was doing this.

I thoroughly entertained myself with trying to take my picture, I see so many cute ones people take out on adventures and well I need a lesson.

In all honesty this was such a good thing for me, I sat with my uneasiness, I sat with the anxiety, and I just sat with MYSELF.

I was just entertaining myself and before I knew it the light had come up and 30 minutes had passed!

Yep I got up at 4:30 and started to run 2 and 1/2 hours later! so far though my "Alone" journey was going awesome.

I heard a shuttle roaring in the distance and decided I would head out, at least if a lion got me at this point the shuttle wouldn’t be too far to find me. The run didn’t disappoint, there are always spectacular views the morning light is amazing, the river as it flows down canyon. I didn’t turn my music on for miles I just listened to nature (and yes for a lion) this is what I saw.

I made it to the 6 mile point where you get on a bike trail at this point the sun is just beaming off the cliffs and you are zig zagging back and forth over the river on these awesome bridges, I always love this part even if I am getting tired there is just so much to look at. You wind your way through a few camp grounds, smelling the morning fires and bacon! The smell hit my stomach and didnt do good things I ran around trying to find the camp ground bathroom (yes this happens on runs lol.) I was a little made at this point I was 10 minutes now off my time I needed to be. I walked a bit and reminded myself to relax and just enjoy. From the visitors center back to my car was 3 miles as you run through the town of Sprindgale. I saw this street sign and smiled becuase I have a new niece named Evie.

And at last a trip to the gas station afterwards for a reward!

I really enjoyed my little adventure, I was so proud of myself! I had a plan and stuck to it even when I was a little uncomfortable. I need to learn to do this more in life. I think this is what running has done for me, I am learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable and that is not always a bad thing. This is how we grow, how we push oursevles hard at the end of a long run when it hurts, how we maybe learn to say NO to someone realizing we cant do it all. As I ran today I told myself,

"This is living"

What I learned this summer

I cant not stop my girls from growing up :(

I love Pine Valley in the Summer, and these two seem to always get pulled over by the atv cops! gotta love that they pose for pictures as the cops are running registration.

A 3 day weekend off work to run Ragnar Relay does not count as a vacation!

I secretly love getting up at 4 am to do a long run on Saturdays

Running through Zions National Park is a spiritual experience

There are no good races in St George in the summer everything is up North, probably something to do with the heat down here.

I LOVED the summer Olympics and became a couch potato for those two weeks, who knew table tennis was that exciting, this girl from USA rocked it at the age of 15.

Kerri Walsh and Misty May Treanor have it going on!

Wake Boarding isnt as easy as it looks

My girls are silly..

My man still has it going on!

Good times, good summer. Ready for the Fall, I love the color change, the cooler weather, Football,and Candy Corn!

Part Two: It returns

Along the years we were more careful about looking out for spots and noticing changes even with our girls, a few summers ago I asked Kyndall why she put one of those tiny little round band aids on her back when she went to the lake. It was clear she was tan everywhere but this small round spot, she said she didn’t put a band aid on. A few more times of insisting she must have put something over a spot on her back because it was white as white, she promised that she hadn’t. We took her in to the Dr with a violent flu (around the bird flu, or H1N1 era) and I asked him to look at her back, he was puzzled and got on the internet and googled “white area around a mole”. Seriously!! A PHD and your googling, I have become the master of googling since I witnessed that. This was the diagnosies, yes from google.

Halo Nevus

I was not taking any chances and back to Dr Smith, he removed the mole and the tests later proved nothing abnormal, she has since had several more white spots appear the one on the back being the worst , the color has never returned to the spot. So when Torrie popped up with a white, non pigmented spot on her chest I had to wonder if its genetic, if it’s a result of their blonde hair blue eyes, their father’s history of skin “issues”. Needless to say all of this made us more aware. Kyndall has since had 2 spots removed (one just last week) that have been suspicious, all tests have been negative for any carcinoma's. I tell this part of the story becuase there is more to skin cancer, there are many things that can be going on. Last week when I took Kyndall in I left feeling like I was a little over reacting, the spot HAD grown , HAD changed, WAS raised, but the Dr's hesitance to be worried left me feeling a little dramatic. We will never know if it was something to come but I refuse to not be worried. I will be pro-active becuase I dont ever want to hear the words melanoma regarding my girls.

Brad trained for hours and hours on his bike, and running outside for the Ironman in St George 2012. He was always really good at lathering up the high powered sunscreen on his face , head and neck but didn’t seem to be using any on his forearms, well as tan as they were getting I am certain he wasn’t. He has always been a big Lance Armstrong fan (ps we still are!) and have kind of adopted the saying “LIVESTRONG” as well as donating to that foundation it was an easy decision for Brad to decide his running attire would be all livestrong gear. Ironman day is long its grueling and those athletes are living strong, each one I am sure has a story a personal victory of what led them to that day, although Brad would never use the words “Cancer survivor” to describe him but I know he knows what could have been, and was grateful to be living strong that day knowing so many can't.

After Ironman was over we noticed he was getting a lot of sun spots on his arm as well as a spot on his chest, somewhere sun is not exposed to, so we thought it was probably that time for a yearly checkup.

July 2012

Dr Smith always walks in his office with his can of liquid nitrogen ready to freeze away, and that’s what he did to Brad’s arms probably 8 spots on each arm! He noticed one to look and feel a little different and decided to cut it off. He didn’t seem concerned with the one on his chest. He prescribed a treatment essentially topical chemotherapy for his face a 2 week on 2 week off 2 week on nightly applying of this cream, thank goodness for insurance the price before was $790.00! This cream pulls out any spots on the face that are cancerous and or could be a problem in the future; we were simply in awe of the results. He was covered in what was coming out all along both jaw lines. He had grown a short beard, not being able to shave while these open sores were healing, his lymph nodes near the jaw had swollen up and swallowing was painful. I honestly wished I would have taken a picture of this, along with all the burns on his arms. It was apparent the awareness and protection on our part needed to be taken extremely serious yet again. In the middle of this Brad called me and said Dr Smith had called the spot on his arm was Malingant Melanoma!

Halt the universe …WHAT???

Dr Smith felt like he got it all off and told him to come back in October. All the fears I had carried for 13 years came back, it came back!

How do we know they got it all? Is there more? I immediately started to google, and Brad completly on his own doing started to wear long sleeve shirts even on the football field for practice in 107 degrees, he knew what this meant we didnt even have to say anything to eachother.

Moving forward: after alot of reading and praying I realized that we dont know, we dont know if there is more, if it will come back. I realized Melanoma wasnt just something that happened to Brad at 27 but that it was something we both needed to realize was still very much a reality. Its nasty stuff, early detection is why people survive Melanoma, this time there was no huge scare no lymph nodes taken, thank goodness but had we waited the story would probably be different. All we can do is educate ourselves. Educate others, this is the purpose of my long multiple posts and greatly hope someone out there takes the time to read them, to watch the video I linked in the "Part One" post.

In case you missed it. Dear 16 year old me.

Thank you for reading, and if there is anyone really out there that follows my blog I hope you enjoy my posts, for us its all about "LIVING STRONG" and my hope is to document how Team Gardner is doing just that!

What to Watch for

Unusual moles that may indicate melanoma:

To help you identify characteristics of unusual moles that may indicate melanomas or other skin cancers, think of the letters A-B-C-D-E:

A) is for asymmetrical shape. Look for moles with irregular shapes, such as two very different-looking halves.

B) is for irregular border. Look for moles with irregular, notched or scalloped borders — characteristics of melanomas.

C) is for changes in color. Look for growths that have many colors or an uneven distribution of color.

D)is for diameter. Look for new growth in a mole larger than 1/4 inch (about 6 millimeters).

E) is for evolving. Look for changes over time, such as a mole that grows in size or that changes color or shape. Moles may also evolve to develop new signs and symptoms, such as new itchiness or bleeding.Other suspicious changes in a mole may include:

Scaliness Itching Spreading of pigment from the mole into the surrounding skin Oozing or bleeding Cancerous (malignant) moles vary greatly in appearance. Some may show all of the changes listed above, while others may have only one or two unusual characteristics.

Sunscreen became very important in our house, having two fair skinned, blonde hair, blue eyed girls, we became very concerned with their skin care and when asked as the teenage years came "can I go to a tanning bed?" the answer was "NO" I know some of this is graphic and yucky to read, but so is the alternative.

Part One

(This is a story I have never written about, I feel like its time for so many reasons. It will take more than one post)

January 1999

“It is nothing to be concerned with, I would probably just have it removed for precaution” said the family Doctor who called us after the biopsy results had come back, so we did just that made an appointment to have it removed. The spot on Brads back had been there since we married at 19 but had lately started to change a bit in size, shape, and color.

February

The door opened late as it always did on basketball nights but this time I heard two voices, as I went out to see why, I saw his friend helping him limp in as I thought, “oh crap what did he break?” It wasn’t 3 weeks later we were up in Provo having his ACL repaired, and spent the next few months helping him recover and taking him to re-hab appointments. To be honest the spot on his back was out of our minds.

July

Brad takes Torrie to Lake Powell with his family, she always loved the cliff jumping, tubing, and camping with her Aunts and Uncles. Lake Powell had been a part of almost every summer for him growing up and with his fair skin, blue eyes and red tinted hair the rays made for some serious sunburns throughout the years. Brad mentions when he gets home that it is probably time to go ahead and follow the Dr’s advice and have that spot removed because when he was in Lake Powell he said it felt like hot needles pocking his back on the spot when he was out in the sun.

August

Dr Smith has Brad prepped and ready to scrap off the spot as he pauses and asks, “What did they say this was?” and decides to biopsy it. Honestly, we put it out of our minds again. A few days later I get a call at home, its Dr Smith, what he said next was all a mumble to me as I tried to piece together the important words “Surgery” “Melanoma” “MALIGNANT” “Salt Lake City” and “no this cannot wait”. Within a few days we were at LDS Hospital and Brad was lying on a cold table in a radioactive room with blue dye being pumped into him to see which way the melanoma was growing. Surgery the next day went well leaving a very big open wound on his back across his shoulder blade and towards his arm; the lymph nodes had been removed as well. We were sent on our way to recover over the weekend and told to come back Monday for the results; we stayed in Provo and tried to carry on as normal. The wound was so big and so deep it was hard to keep the stitches from ripping open. Essentially, he had about a 2x7 inch strip of skin removed and 1 inch deep at the point around the spot. Metal stitches tried holding it together (they really should have grafted it) so any time he moved it would rip open and (sorry graphic) ooze out, it was impossible to keep him down so we were constantly changing the dressing on it. By the way I am NO nurse and do not have a good stomach for those things, but I did it.

Brad had turned 27 just a week before; I sat there waiting for the Dr on Monday with all the possibilities reeling in my head. What this could mean for our lives our children’s lives, honestly, I felt very alone and could not imagine what he must be feeling. The Doctor announced that the lymph nodes were clean!! We were told that had Doctor Smith just scraped of the spot it was already internal and it would have spread to his organs and probably would not have lived another year, we would never had known it was in him until it was to late! He believed he had removed it all but he would need to be monitored every 6 months and with chest X-rays every year. It had not even been a week since the original phone call from Dr Smith.

We had been through Cancer …..The initial emotions, the fear, the worry, the being strong and ready to fight all in less than a week. I have always been grateful for that and realize it is not like that for so so many people. Over the years there were checkups some chest X-rays, and some treatments on the face as many skin cancers (Basal Cell and Squamous Cell Carcinoma’s) started to pop up. We felt like a bullet had been dodged when we reached the 5-year mark and then the 10-year.

The Questions:

Why had we waited so long to have it removed?

If it was nothing to worry about in Feb was it a mis-diagnoses or had it grown that fast by August? (I believe it was that fast moving)

Why didnt I know what to look for and say something as I saw it changing over the years?

Did the Doctor REALLY get it all, or was there some lingering cell in there ready to attack?

Why was there not more education about this towards young people?

Every young person needs to watch this, how many peope just dont know? Dear 16 year old me.

TOU Half Marathon

I have always wanted to do another half marathon but I am a “Been there Done That” kinda gal, and having done Bryce Canyon twice I was ready for a different course although I loved that one! I set my sights on TOU (Top of Utah) Half, and yes it is at the very top of Utah, me living at the BOU (Bottom of Utah) this was a long way to travel for a race. After the logistics of the husband getting me to Murray to meet up with Melanie, then back to Provo to meet up with the football team, getting my daughter on her way with the volleyball team to West Jordan, and my other daughter dropped off at the grandparents house, I was already tired. Melanie and I stopped in Layton at Boston’s for some carb loading from our man Morris.

We then made our way to Logan to pick up our packets when I saw this I knew this was going to be a great race.

I mean really colored coordinated porta potties this in my book was a good sign. We made our way around the park and found the half off rack of great running clothes you can never have to many running clothes.

I could have gone home right then and been satisfied, but the lack of a finishers medal was a problem. We met up with some friends had some more food and a lot of laughs, can I just say I love runners I have met some of the best people through running, finally making our way to a bed about 9:30 and an alarm set for 4:30.

On the bus ride up the canyon I turned to Melanie and said "This is living!" she laughed at me but I was serious. It was early, dark and cold and we had both just questioned why do we do these things. I could write a entire post on the why's. As we made our way down the canyon on foot and the muscles started to hurt and the sweat began to fall and I wondered if I could really go the whole way I listened to my labored breathing and thought "Yep , this is living". I didnt wear my garmin and loved how I was not a slave to it, I ran and just enjoyed it didnt worry about my pace or what mile I was on. A huge shout out to the lady by the Maverik that yelled to me "You can do it, less than 3 miles left", I thought I had over 4 miles left and felt the gas running out as I thought my target time was out the window I looked at my watch and realized I was right on track and picked up the pace. I was within my time goal and shaved off 3 minutes from my last Half.

The course was beautiful, I felt like I could tell I was a BOU girl running at the TOU and the altitude affected my breathing. I had a stubborn side ache at mile 2 that hung around the whole time I think becuase I was breathing so hard. The aid stations were amazing and the orange slices hit the spot. I loved having the crowds to cheer us on, most races I have done are pretty lacking in crowds. We spotted a blogger we have followed for a while at the starting line, Susette she was great and didnt seem nervous that we (strangers) were so excited to see her and asked for a picture with her. Her Blog

I was a little sad at the finish line that they only had water and gatorade and would have paid dearly for some chocolate milk, but the Fat Boy ice cream sandwich made up for it, well almost. I would do this race again but I am also excited to shake it up and try some other ones. Next up Cedar City Half on Sept 15th, a little closer to home.