Games, Games, Games...

Fall is very busy for us, with football and volleyball season in full swing and not to mention just normal stuff like that little thing called WORK. It all keeps us going full speed, Ill be totally honest I dont remember the last time I cooked a real meal!I know I am not winning any awards for that, but I wouldnt give up the memories that are being created for slaving in a kitchen.

Brad has been coaching at Hurricane High since Kyndall was 4 months old, she is now 16! He loves it, loves those boys, and loves the sport of Football! (pictures by Chris Edwards)

This is Adam and Jared, Brads running backs.

Kyndall has been playing volleyball since 6th grade, she has come so far. She sets her goals every year and has grown so much, this year she has been able to start varsity every game as a junior, but more importantly has made some great friends and memories. Go #14! (Huge shout out to Lynnette Quilter for her amazing photography)

Kyndall, Breanna, Shania

Torrie is working working away at Dr Davis's office as an Oral Surgeon's assistant and learning so much, we are SO proud of her!

Me, I am my families BIGGEST Cheerleader and trying to get those runs in, in hopes for Half Marathon in November.



"This is LIVING"

Goals

At work this week we presented a "Goal Setting" session during a meeting. Everyone was asked to write down as many goals on a piece of paper they could think of, kinda like a Bucket List. We then worked on dream boards, using magazines to cut out pictures or words to represent what we want to achieve within our goals. This sure had me thinking and I had a hard time getting past the standard: Lose weight, go on a cruise, run another marathon.

They said to

What does that mean?

Go to Italy, buy an Island in the Bahama's, travel the world in one year, visit an Ashram in India for a month. Is this what this means kinda like the saying "Go Big or Go Home". I quickly realized I can set or make high goals then execute the heck outa them, then totally rock my expectations in regards to work! But I fall extremely flat in my personal life.

Why is this? I am afraid of failure? of embarrassment? I often feel like once I put it out there, there is no turning back, so I simply dont put anything out there. We have all said these things to ourselves I am not skinny enough to.... I am afraid of hieghts..... what if they dont like me..... what if I CANT...... I could never do that...... shes just got it all together...... I am not organized enough........

Simply put I am playing it safe in my life. The presenter encouraged us to take some time each month to sit by ourselves, with ourselves, and really think about things we want to accomplish. It is important to write them down along with a plan of how you will achieve it, or by what date.

So think about this, what do you want to do, REALLY WANT TO DO?

Life is to short, tragedy can happen so fast.

Lets Dream Big, and Play Hard! Dare to dream crazy goals and then put them into action.

I promise when I figure mine out I will share them with you. And please feel free to share your's with me.

Cedar City Half Marathon

It was a beautiful, what I call, pre Fall day. The air is definitely cooler in the morning, and up Cedar Canyon it was actually cold, but the leaves are not changing yet. I have eyed this race for a couple of years as its close to home, its down a canyon, its in cooler weather, and it did not dissapoint. I have driven up and down Cedar Canyon a hundred times never paying attention to the roads from a runners eye, so as we headed up in the bus I knew right then I was probably not going to be taking to many stairs the few days after this was over. This went on for probably 8 straight miles with maybe only one little incline in the middle to tease you.

I have REALLY wanted to do more than my typical "One" big race a year, I have always wanted to do several Half Marathons close together. Its been a struggle for me to believe I can do this.

I CAN do hard things.

I did alot of the training alone and was prepared to drive up and do this race alone becuase I simply wanted it that bad and I have learned when I make a goal I need to (for me) do everything I can to achieve that goal or I end up upset with myself. Luckily I got a text from a friend that found out I was signed up and invited me to ride up together! YES! It made the experience that much funner.

I would totally recommend this race to anyone.

~ Very organized

~ Cool shirt and medal

~ An easy course to PR on

~ Great volunteers along the entire course

~ Post race fruit and granola bars were nice

So now I ask myself......"Whats Next?"

I did it... Alone!

I seem to have a problem with running buddies, I can’t keep them. They move, they get pregnant they are too fast for me! I find most of the time I am going solo, which is fine, I find it my therapy time my “me” time. But for long Saturday runs I really look forward to different fun runs, not the normal route. I enjoy taking the time to map a route, planning to meet up with people and where we will drop waters etc. The past few Saturdays I have been on my own, I knew I needed to do at least 11 miles and dreaded the “neighborhood run” feeling like I needed to get out and go somewhere. It’s Friday night and I am still hoping the only few Saturday running buddies I do have would call me, but nothing. I knew what this meant so I got all my gear ready and set my alarm for 4:30 am.

I am a cautious person, I would never venture on a running trail or up in the mountains alone. I stick to what is familiar so as I was driving my car up to Zion’s Park in the dark, alone, I thought I had lost my mind. I caught the 5:40 shuttle at Majestic View Lodge which took me to the visitors center where I walked (again alone and pitch black) to the connecting shuttle. I sat and waited as many other people started to come out of the dark windy trails and wait, all of them were getting an early start on many of the longer hikes in the canyon. It took 30 minutes to ride the shuttle to the top of the Canyon to the Temple of Sinawava trail head, my plan was to run on the park road back out which I have done several times (with others) there are shuttles that start to run so you’re not completely alone and in just about 4 short miles you reach the lodge with water and bathrooms, and people. It had always been light by the time we started, not this time. I got off the shuttle and all the people with me scattered off to the Narrows trail head and were gone, I found myself sitting at the shuttle stop ALONE. It was still pitch black. Did I mention I am a cautious person? This was good for me I decided to wait about 15 minutes for a few reasons, I knew the sun would be coming up, I knew the next shuttle would be going in about 30 minutes, I was enjoying the shear silence, and the main reason of my uncomfortable’ness was ANIMALS!

I have only ever seen deer, wild turkeys, and a fox on my runs in there but again I was with someone, and the second reason, on the ride up the guide was talking about what animals inhabited the park and I do believe he used the word MOUNTAIN LION. I again question why in the world I was doing this.

I thoroughly entertained myself with trying to take my picture, I see so many cute ones people take out on adventures and well I need a lesson.

In all honesty this was such a good thing for me, I sat with my uneasiness, I sat with the anxiety, and I just sat with MYSELF.

I was just entertaining myself and before I knew it the light had come up and 30 minutes had passed!

Yep I got up at 4:30 and started to run 2 and 1/2 hours later! so far though my "Alone" journey was going awesome.

I heard a shuttle roaring in the distance and decided I would head out, at least if a lion got me at this point the shuttle wouldn’t be too far to find me. The run didn’t disappoint, there are always spectacular views the morning light is amazing, the river as it flows down canyon. I didn’t turn my music on for miles I just listened to nature (and yes for a lion) this is what I saw.

I made it to the 6 mile point where you get on a bike trail at this point the sun is just beaming off the cliffs and you are zig zagging back and forth over the river on these awesome bridges, I always love this part even if I am getting tired there is just so much to look at. You wind your way through a few camp grounds, smelling the morning fires and bacon! The smell hit my stomach and didnt do good things I ran around trying to find the camp ground bathroom (yes this happens on runs lol.) I was a little made at this point I was 10 minutes now off my time I needed to be. I walked a bit and reminded myself to relax and just enjoy. From the visitors center back to my car was 3 miles as you run through the town of Sprindgale. I saw this street sign and smiled becuase I have a new niece named Evie.

And at last a trip to the gas station afterwards for a reward!

I really enjoyed my little adventure, I was so proud of myself! I had a plan and stuck to it even when I was a little uncomfortable. I need to learn to do this more in life. I think this is what running has done for me, I am learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable and that is not always a bad thing. This is how we grow, how we push oursevles hard at the end of a long run when it hurts, how we maybe learn to say NO to someone realizing we cant do it all. As I ran today I told myself,

"This is living"

What I learned this summer

I cant not stop my girls from growing up :(

I love Pine Valley in the Summer, and these two seem to always get pulled over by the atv cops! gotta love that they pose for pictures as the cops are running registration.

A 3 day weekend off work to run Ragnar Relay does not count as a vacation!

I secretly love getting up at 4 am to do a long run on Saturdays

Running through Zions National Park is a spiritual experience

There are no good races in St George in the summer everything is up North, probably something to do with the heat down here.

I LOVED the summer Olympics and became a couch potato for those two weeks, who knew table tennis was that exciting, this girl from USA rocked it at the age of 15.

Kerri Walsh and Misty May Treanor have it going on!

Wake Boarding isnt as easy as it looks

My girls are silly..

My man still has it going on!

Good times, good summer. Ready for the Fall, I love the color change, the cooler weather, Football,and Candy Corn!

Part Two: It returns

Along the years we were more careful about looking out for spots and noticing changes even with our girls, a few summers ago I asked Kyndall why she put one of those tiny little round band aids on her back when she went to the lake. It was clear she was tan everywhere but this small round spot, she said she didn’t put a band aid on. A few more times of insisting she must have put something over a spot on her back because it was white as white, she promised that she hadn’t. We took her in to the Dr with a violent flu (around the bird flu, or H1N1 era) and I asked him to look at her back, he was puzzled and got on the internet and googled “white area around a mole”. Seriously!! A PHD and your googling, I have become the master of googling since I witnessed that. This was the diagnosies, yes from google.

Halo Nevus

I was not taking any chances and back to Dr Smith, he removed the mole and the tests later proved nothing abnormal, she has since had several more white spots appear the one on the back being the worst , the color has never returned to the spot. So when Torrie popped up with a white, non pigmented spot on her chest I had to wonder if its genetic, if it’s a result of their blonde hair blue eyes, their father’s history of skin “issues”. Needless to say all of this made us more aware. Kyndall has since had 2 spots removed (one just last week) that have been suspicious, all tests have been negative for any carcinoma's. I tell this part of the story becuase there is more to skin cancer, there are many things that can be going on. Last week when I took Kyndall in I left feeling like I was a little over reacting, the spot HAD grown , HAD changed, WAS raised, but the Dr's hesitance to be worried left me feeling a little dramatic. We will never know if it was something to come but I refuse to not be worried. I will be pro-active becuase I dont ever want to hear the words melanoma regarding my girls.

Brad trained for hours and hours on his bike, and running outside for the Ironman in St George 2012. He was always really good at lathering up the high powered sunscreen on his face , head and neck but didn’t seem to be using any on his forearms, well as tan as they were getting I am certain he wasn’t. He has always been a big Lance Armstrong fan (ps we still are!) and have kind of adopted the saying “LIVESTRONG” as well as donating to that foundation it was an easy decision for Brad to decide his running attire would be all livestrong gear. Ironman day is long its grueling and those athletes are living strong, each one I am sure has a story a personal victory of what led them to that day, although Brad would never use the words “Cancer survivor” to describe him but I know he knows what could have been, and was grateful to be living strong that day knowing so many can't.

After Ironman was over we noticed he was getting a lot of sun spots on his arm as well as a spot on his chest, somewhere sun is not exposed to, so we thought it was probably that time for a yearly checkup.

July 2012

Dr Smith always walks in his office with his can of liquid nitrogen ready to freeze away, and that’s what he did to Brad’s arms probably 8 spots on each arm! He noticed one to look and feel a little different and decided to cut it off. He didn’t seem concerned with the one on his chest. He prescribed a treatment essentially topical chemotherapy for his face a 2 week on 2 week off 2 week on nightly applying of this cream, thank goodness for insurance the price before was $790.00! This cream pulls out any spots on the face that are cancerous and or could be a problem in the future; we were simply in awe of the results. He was covered in what was coming out all along both jaw lines. He had grown a short beard, not being able to shave while these open sores were healing, his lymph nodes near the jaw had swollen up and swallowing was painful. I honestly wished I would have taken a picture of this, along with all the burns on his arms. It was apparent the awareness and protection on our part needed to be taken extremely serious yet again. In the middle of this Brad called me and said Dr Smith had called the spot on his arm was Malingant Melanoma!

Halt the universe …WHAT???

Dr Smith felt like he got it all off and told him to come back in October. All the fears I had carried for 13 years came back, it came back!

How do we know they got it all? Is there more? I immediately started to google, and Brad completly on his own doing started to wear long sleeve shirts even on the football field for practice in 107 degrees, he knew what this meant we didnt even have to say anything to eachother.

Moving forward: after alot of reading and praying I realized that we dont know, we dont know if there is more, if it will come back. I realized Melanoma wasnt just something that happened to Brad at 27 but that it was something we both needed to realize was still very much a reality. Its nasty stuff, early detection is why people survive Melanoma, this time there was no huge scare no lymph nodes taken, thank goodness but had we waited the story would probably be different. All we can do is educate ourselves. Educate others, this is the purpose of my long multiple posts and greatly hope someone out there takes the time to read them, to watch the video I linked in the "Part One" post.

In case you missed it. Dear 16 year old me.

Thank you for reading, and if there is anyone really out there that follows my blog I hope you enjoy my posts, for us its all about "LIVING STRONG" and my hope is to document how Team Gardner is doing just that!